A Love - Hate Relationship with Baking

How have you guys been coping with social distancing and PSBB in Jakarta so far? Are you guys doing alright? Are you still keeping that sanity level real high? Or, are you in an all time low? I have been staying at home for almost two months now and, I think, I may have reached that point where I passed all that loosing-my-sanity phase that everybody’s probably experiencing. I made peace with the fact that I may have to stay a little bit longer at home now that we haven’t reach the peak of this pandemic here in Jakarta, so, I’m coping with whatever options that I have to not be idle - one of it being baking, and a bit of cooking. 

I had been baking Egg Custard Tart and Quiche at home and sold them to those who are interested in buying. I opened a pre-order on my Instagram account one day and I was surprised when I got numerous DMs from my followers, saying that they wanted to have a taste of my pies. It lit my heart with joy! Being the responsible amateur baker that I am, I complied with all of their orders and baked the sweet and savory munchies for one whole week. 

It was exhausting and fun at the same time. The longer I spend my time in the kitchen kneading dough and making custard, the more I develop this love - hate relationship with baking. I’m not trying to be cocky by saying that not a single pie that I made have failed, but all of them were successfully baked and they tasted delicious!

Now, you may, or may not, be wondering why I bake these pies. To tell the truth, I think it’s the only thing that I can bake, so far, without failing. I tried baking brownies and Angel Food Cake once, and they both failed miserably - the brownies, although thoroughly baked and had a very beautiful cracked surface, was too sweet, while the Angel Food Cake was as hard as a brick because I messed up one of the cooking method. But, when it comes to pie, it has been a smooth ride baking it since day one. 

Angel Food Cake? More like Brick Cake

The overly sweet Brownie that I made

The pie crust was scrumptious, as it had this buttery short-bread like texture that I love and, apparently, everybody in the house loves as well. One of my method in making the pie crust is to add a dash of salt in the dough, so that it would bring out the flavor of the sugar and the butter. I used to question this method because I thought that anything that has salt in it would tasted salty. Turns out, it didn’t taste the slightest bit salty, yet it had this very enjoyable savoriness that I’m fond of. 

Look at this beauty!

Mini Pies that I made with some leftover ingredients

The custard, on the one hand, was amazingly delicious! I used a lot of egg yolks in the process of making the custard concoction and it baffled me when the eggs didn’t overpower the whole flavor wheel. The custard tasted sweet and delicious, and the fact that it had this silky smooth and custardy texture blows my mind. The texture, if I may say, had this impression as if it was the love child of PUYO pudding and Panna Cotta - silky smooth, yet quite sturdy. 

I bake mostly at midnights, when everybody’s asleep and I have the kitchen all to myself. One night, I used this dashing apron that my best friend got me as a birthday present, put on some dandy ‘50s bops, and whisked my custard to the rhythm of the music. True, I was lacking a lot of sleep during this week of baking, but the joy that I got when people said that my baked goods were delicious instantly shoved away all those exhaustions. 

Leftover pie dough calls for Butter Biscuits

Other than the Egg Custard Tart, I also made a few batches of Quiche. I was overwhelmed at the time I tried baking my first Quiche as I succeed with flying colors. Although it may look a bit pale (I didn’t want to burn the crust, so I took it out from the oven earlier), but it had this kick of savory and salty flavors that was just wonderful. I used some cocktail sausages and Mozzarella cheese mixed with some milk and eggs to make the filling concoction, pour it into the savory pie crust that I blind-bake beforehand, and voila! I baked myself a serving of Sausage and Mozzarella Quiche! Again, I surprised myself. 

Chicken and Mushroom Quiche

I was doing very good in baking for money, yet the ingredients are getting more difficult to obtain as the suppliers are not getting their imported goods because of this pandemic. I don’t want to settle for some low-grade ingredients that I can get for a cheaper price, as it will ruin the entire flavor and texture quality that I set for my pies. So, I had to temporarily discontinue selling my baked goods. I still haven’t bake anything until now and I’m not planning to until I get the right ingredients. 

I sold this combo of sweet and savory pies for 50K

I guess I have to spend my time with DOTA once again.. 

Another Gluten-free Pasta

Beberapa malam yang lalu, Kinan memutuskan untuk masak untuk makan malam. Kali ini, ditemani oleh tetangga kost, tetangga seberang yang sepertinya sedang berantem, dan sorotan flash dari HP karena lampu yang di dapur mati.

Seperti biasa, pasta yang digunakan adalah pasta gluten-free. Kenapa gluten-free? Hal ini dikarenakan Kinan sangat takut menjadi gendut, oleh karena itu sebisa mungkin Kinan menggunakan bahan-bahan yang bisa memperlambat kenaikan berat badannya. Dan, terlebih dari itu, gluten-free pasta itu sehat, lho!

Modal bawang putih di tumis pakai minyak kelapa, makan malampun sudah tersedia. Eits, tapi nggak hanya itu saja. Saus dasar yang digunakan untuk membuat masakan ini adalah saus Bolognese botolan garapan San Remo. Rasanya cukup manis, tapi nggak berlebihan. Gurihnya pun ada, dan tomat yang dipakai untuk membuat saus ini melimpah. Tambahkan sedikit garam Himalaya dan daging ayam giling untuk menambah cita rasa, lalu jadilah!

Sayang, mangkok yang dipakai adalah mangkok Doraemon. Kurang aestetik. 

How to Kill Time Before Malibu Nights

Boyfriend and I did some caffeine hunting last night. There were six hours to kill, before LANY’s Malibu Nights World Tour concert begun, and we decided to visit a few coffee shops, as well as some dinning places we didn’t even know existed before. Our first stop was, Woodpecker Coffee!

Woodpecker Coffee

Jl. Panglima Polim V, No. 23

Dharmawangsa, Jakarta

MON - SUN: 7 AM - 9 PM

+62 21 2930 5356

Located on the side of Panglima Polim street, Woodpecker Coffee was a bit challenging for us to find because there were no signs that indicate the whereabouts of the coffee shop - even if there was, Davie and I clearly didn’t notice it. We walked for a bit, making assumptions on where the building is while crosschecking our Google Maps, until we noticed one that had a bird neon-sign on one of its’ wall. It took us a while to finally noticed that the bird was actually a woodpecker bird.

We entered the coffee shop and was immediately welcomed with a splash of white, embellished with milk chocolate here and there. A few greens were found on some of the corners, giving us that fresh feeling of pure aesthetic. I noticed some seats that were decorated with sunlights and, with that, I quietly affirm that Woodpecker Coffee is the most beautiful cafe I have ever visited, yet. 

Boyfriend and I had a couple of waffles, as well as a cup of coffee each. It was a Wednesday and, to my surprise, on every Wednesdays, Woodpecker Coffee has this marvelous waffle promo where you only have to pay one for two. I was immediately sold! I had me the Banana Nutella Waffle with maple waffle as its’ base, while Davie had himself the freebie, which is an Oreo-based waffle with Vanilla ice cream on top. 

Both waffles were very delicious! The Nutella used on top of my waffle was rather generous, as well as the banana slices. The batter was grilled nicely on the waffle pan, creating that golden brown color and crispy edges. Don’t let the presentation of the waffle fools you, though. It may look like a lot of work to finish the dessert , but, turned out, the waffle was very thin and it filled my stomach just fine. 

As for the coffee, like always, I had me a cup of Flat White, while Davie had himself a glass of Iced Moccachino. The Flat White, in my opinion, had a relatively strong acid flavor, which was okay for me, although I prefer my coffee to be bitter. Davie, on the other hand, was fond of it. 

We spent a good hour at Woodpecker Coffee before we moved on to another place, that was just across the street from where we were. It was time for a proper meal. 

Burgushi

Jl. Panglima Polim V, No. 38D

Dharmawangsa, Jakarta

MON - SUN: 10 AM - 10 PM

+62 822 5838 8380

The name of the dinning place vividly explains what kind of food that they serve here. If you’re thinking of a fusion between a burger and a sushi, you are correct! 

Davie and I shared a portion of its’ new main course that was just launched about a week ago, the Beef Monster. It consisted of two beef patties - stacked between a couple slices of cheese, topped with beef bacon strips and a sunny side up, and drizzled with  Takoyaki sauce - sandwiched between two pieces of deep-fried sticky sushi rice that were coated with breadcrumbs, then covered with a big sheet of nori. To my disappointment, our Beef Monster Burgushi didn’t look like what it was presented in the advertisement. 

I gotta say, I do love the deep-fried sushi rice with the Takoyaki sauce. It reminded me well of how the rice at Sushi Tei tasted like, and it’s good! On the contrary, the whole burger-filling pieces didn’t go well with the rice. I will say that having the Tuna Salad Salmon Mentai Burgushi will make a lot more sense compared to the Beef Monster Burgushi, as the rice is definitely suitable to be consumed by pairing it with food items that you can find at a sushi restaurant. 

I’m not a fan of the beef patties because of how small they were, but they sure tasted fine although I’ve tasted better grilled meat before. It was a shame that the sunny-side-up didn’t have a runny yolk. If it did, it may elevate the dish to some point. On the one hand, there were only bits of bacon instead of an actual bacon strips, which was a downer for me. 

Overall, the Beef Monster Burgushi was somewhat okay, but I don’t think I will be coming back for more. 

Harapan Djaya Coffee Roasters

Jl. Panglima Polim V, No. 36

Dharmawangsa, Jakarta

 MON - SUN: 7 AM - 10 PM

+62 815 1900 8141

After our early dinner, Davie and I visited another cafe adjacent to where Burgushi was to have our final leisure before the concert started. Harapan Djaya Coffee Roasters was where we headed for another cup of coffee. 

Davie, being the curious coffee enthusiast that he is, ordered himself a glass of funky signature drink that goes by the name Kopinas - a cold drink consisted of Americano and a slab of pineapple jam. Me, on the other hand, knew that I had to have an energy booster, so I had a simple glass of hot Ginger Tea with no sugar. 

Kopinas was a really mind-boggling drink. At first sip, I could taste the sourness and bitterness of a coffee, but then the pineapple jam hit me right in the tastebud and it instantly took me to a memory of pineapple tart (Kue Nastar, to be exact) that I used to eat during Eid al-Fitr. I’m not a fan, but Davie seemed to have a soft spot for this drink. However, I really enjoyed my Ginger Tea as it was hot and spicy and gave that extra spark to my body. The drink itself had a hint of sweetness here and there, despite the fact that I didn’t add any sugar into it. 

We spent another good hour at the historic coffee roaster, enjoyed a game of Truth and Truth, then we ordered an online transport that eventually took us to the venue where we sang along to Paul’s rendition of Malibu Nights. 

But, what’s a concert without a post-concert meal, right?

McDonald’s (Grand Kota Bintang)

Grand Kota Bintang

Jl. K. H. Noer Ali, Jakasampurna

Bekasi Barat 17145

24 hours

+62 14045

A set of Happy Meal and a cup of hot tea was all I needed. Davie, who is usually a rice person, decided to have himself a nice set of Big Mac. We also shared some French Fries, with lots and lots of ketchup on the side. 

McDonald’s always hit me in the spot. 

Waffle Bae

Bae appreciation post because without him, I'd be enjoying this Chocolate Ice Cream Waffle by myself. Oh, and it's a good waffle too! This was when we were at our best friends' wedding. There were so many food option, but our eyes were immediately caught by the sight of the waffle stand. There was a long line at that particular stand, but we sure got our hands on our waffles.

The waffle was not as crispy as I liked it to be. It was topped with a cold chocolate ice cream, then drizzled with a spoonful of chocolate sprinkles. The waffle itself was not sweet to say the least, but it still tasted good and the batter used to make it was not that bad. The sweet chocolate ice cream really elevated the whole dessert. 10/10 would go for more.

Tarot Reading with Foxglove Tarot

I had my share of lows in my life and I reached rockbottom at 2017. That time, I was in a very unhealthy and toxic relationship. I was unfocused, I stray away from positivity, I binge-eat because that was the only thing that relieves stress at that time, I pushed people away, and I definitely was depressed. Talking to people definitely helps, but since I don’t have that many friends at that time because of my own doing, I got lonely and felt uncomfortable in talking to those who chose to stay by my side because I feel like I was giving unnecessary burden to them. The thought of going to a therapist crossed my mind, but I was too scared at that time because I didn’t have the permission I needed to get help. I knew I needed help, I needed a lot to be honest, but I chose not to. I thought, if I could face hell, then I can face anything. 

One day, the demons in my head were just too strong to face by myself. I reached out to some friends, but their responds leaded to the same thing, that I had to get out of the relationship because that was what dragging me down. Of course I didn’t comply. Why? Because I was just too stupid. So, I decided to look for a service where I can talk to someone, hoping that that particular someone can give me a more objective insight on what’s currently happening in me. Funnily, instead of searching for an online therapist, or going to 7 Cups, I typed in “tarot reading Jakarta” on Google’s search engine and found the name Foxglove Tarot on the first option that popped up. 

Tarot reading is somewhat mystical to me. In my opinion, the science in tarot reading is nowhere to be found as it reminds me a lot of magicians, and fortune tellers, and madam who-ever-her-name-was that reads people’s path by rubbing on a crystal ball. Subtle robbery, I might say, because I’m paying a nice amount of money for a stranger who is playing God by telling me that I will stumble upon a bunch of cash on the street tomorrow. But, at that time, I didn’t care about any of that stuff. All I care about was for me to talk to someone. So, I went on Foxglove Tarot’s website, searched for what I needed, and I booked a tarot reading. The next thing I know, I was on a video call with Kak Canti, the only tarot reader of Foxglove Tarot at that time. 

This photo was taken from Foxglove Tarot's website itself

Kak Canti is an intuitive tarot reader. She uses tarot cards as her medium to see people’s current being and life obstacle to guide them to their better future. During the video call, she briefly explained to me about what tarot reading is and, to my surprise, it was not as mystical as I thought it would be - no magic chants, no incense burning, no spreading salts to ward of evil, and definitely no using a book spells like they do in Sabrina the Teenage Witch. There was only me asking her whether or not I’ll be happy in my relationship and her telling me that I would definitely be a caged bird if I keep this whole thing up. 

It was the most enjoyable 30 minutes video call that day. Despite the fact that I was opening myself to a stranger, I only felt a wee bit of insecurities in myself. Kak Canti was being very friendly and open-minded about the whole situation that I was having, not to mention very objective, and she did her very best to help sort out my problem by talking to me on how I can improve my well being step-by-step. But, then again, she also gave me the opportunity to decide my future by myself by giving me the choice on whether I want to do it, or not. “I always believe that our free will has the power to change the outcome,” she wrote in the email she sent me. Positive feedback and enlightening encouragement is what I needed, and Kak Canti provided that for me when I needed it most. 

The present and the future

I was told that my current animal spirit is a rabbit

The thing about Kak Canti is that she made me felt like I was talking to a friend, instead of putting a barrier between a client and a server. I wasn’t the least bit scared with the tarot reading, despite it being my first time ever having a tarot reading service. Everything seemed normal, and totally was normal! I came to an understanding that tarot reading is just a way for some people to connect with other people and, perhaps, their whole spiritual being. Even though I’m not familiar with that method, doesn’t mean that I have to be against it. Kak Canti’s tarot reading about my love life were definitely one of the best support that I could get during my dark time and it really helped me compose myself. Although it took me long enough to get out of the relationship, I finally did and I couldn’t be happier. 

Foxglove Tarot

 

Two years and another tarot reading later, I finally get to met Kak Canti in person. Just last week, I was invited to her place to chat over endless cups of her homemade Masala Chai, as well as enjoying a quick live tarot reading session about my personal self in general. Her tarot reading service is now expanding as she recruited a partner and provided a wider varieties of services, including a one-on-one live reading in Jakarta and an upcoming Reiki Healing Session. Kak Canti travels a lot, she just got back from her spiritual trip in India, but the good thing is that she’ll be staying in Jakarta for a year now, which makes it easier for me, and a bunch of her other clients, to book a live reading. 

It took us two years to finally meet each other in person!

For those of you who are curious enough, or maybe currently questioning yourself regarding your love life, or career life, feel free to hit her up on her website. I’m sure she’ll be happy to help you find the root of your problem and sort things out for your better future!  

Lunch for Two

Today’s lunch was a home meal I cooked for me and my neighbor, Leo. Leo here is an ex classmate from Air Asia who is living next door. We were both unoccupied with flight schedules this afternoon, so we decided to have lunch together. Since I have some chicken and tempeh I brought from home yesterday, I decided to cook with the ingredients I have and skip eating out like what he suggested. 

So, today’s meal was a simple chicken fried rice with tempe orek (stir-fried tempeh with sweet soy sauce), along with some fritters that Leo bought at this warteg (short for “warung tegal”, which is basically a cheap dining place with home-cooked dishes) where we usually buy our food. No fuss whatsoever, I only had to fry some garlic with the coconut oil I bought at Naked Inc., then I put in the shredded chicken, added some rice, then I took a pinch of Himalayan salt (which I bought at Naked Inc. as well), and finally I dashed some powdered black pepper into the concoction. Voila! 

I’ve been eating Shirataki rice for quite some time now, so I cooked my meal separately because Leo was having his regular white rice. Shirataki rice, you see, is like your regular rice because it is made out of root plant (like potato and yam). It doesn’t contain as much gluten as regular rice do, so it suits those who are on a gluten-free diet. Funnily, it tasted like regular rice! 

It only took me a while to prep up the meal and, before he knew it, lunch was served. We ate at our boarding house’s front yard. It had passed mid noon by the time we dine in, but, thankfully, the sun was very subtle, making it not too hot for the both of us to dine outdoor. 

Setangkup roti bakar dan segelas teh tawar panas untuk menemani pikiran yang bergelut pagi ini.

Pandora Experience

A couple of days ago, my cousins and I went to Kelapa Gading to play at this famous escape house in Jakarta named Pandora Experience. You see, we were basically escape-house virgins, so we were not familiar with how this game goes, let alone how it works. I booked a slot over a phone call for the Forest of the Dead, which is the theme of the game. There are numerous theme for one place and, turned out, I happen to chose the most extreme one of all the themes available. “The difficulty is five out of five, the fear factor is five out of five as well, while the physical activity is four out of five,” said Nuning, a cousin of mine, reading the information written on the official website about the theme we were about to undergo as we were driving to Mall Kelapa Gading. Shit, I thought to myself, I’d probably shit my pants playing this escape game. 

Left to right: Gavin, Nadja, me, Nuning, and Adji

Imagine going to a cinema to watch a movie, but instead of doing so, you are going to a dark building with splashing color of black and red and being put inside a chamber for two hours to find your way out by finding clues and solving riddles; that’s how the escape game works. Within each theme, the duration of the game differs, as well as the amount of players needed to play the game. Mine needed, at least, four persons to play, and it can be up to ten persons. 

Out game started at 8:30PM. We arrived a bit early, got briefed by the game master about the dos and don’ts, stored our belongings inside a locker provided by Pandora Experience, and went to the third floor to our game chamber. We were given a walkie talkie. That’s it. No flash lights, no candles, nothing to light up the expected dark and eerie chamber. The walkie talkie is used to communicate with the game master in case we stumbled upon a dead end and needed a help from the game master himself to solve the mystery. Very handy and useful, and we used the particular equipment a lot during our entire two and a half hours roaming around the maze.

What we experienced inside the maze-like chamber was none like we have ever came accross with before. We had to crawl, we had to climb, we were trapped in a very small room with minimum lighting, we were surrounded by speakers that blare creepy sounds and music, and we also were separated halfway through the game not because we were lost, but because the story line required us to. “Only one can go inside the maze and it has to be a.. woman,” said the game master through the walkie talkie. Nadja was terrified, as well as Nuning. I was as well, but I had to be the one who do this task otherwise we won’t finish the game and we might get kicked out for not being able to finish it under the specified time period. So I did. It was the most terrifying moment in my life as I had to crawl my way into a narrow and dark passage, clogging my ears with my fingers so that I won’t be hearing much of the very very loud sinister background music that was booming from the speaker. I had my walkie talkie with me and kudos to the game master for being very patient with all of my distress calls. “I can’t do this,” I said, trembling, “I’m too scared.” which was then replied with a soothing, “Just calm yourself. Everything will be okay.”. 

The storyline was great. We got to know the background story of the theme we chose as we travel from chamber to chamber, maze to maze, discovering the secrets that lies within the Aokigahara forest while we struggle to find our exit. 

The physical activity was amazing, although very much exhausting. It wouldn’t be a problem for those who work out regularly. Unfortunately, the five of us never touched a barbel, or run a mile, within the month. We ended up running out of breaths at some points. 

Last but not least is the fear factor, which exceeded expectation as the five of us were very very terrorized even by the background music itself, let alone the jump scares. The props used were twisted and fucked up, that's for sure. 

Seriously, Pandora Experience is not like any other haunted house you’ve ever encountered before. It frustrates you in a good way and it scars you for life. Surprisingly, despite all the terrors, it gives you this addiction that makes you want to play again, but with a different theme. It definitely satisfies your rush for adrenalin and lust for a good horror. Not recommended for the faint-hearted and those who are claustrophobic and scotophobic. 

Pandora Experience

Jalan Boulevard Bar. Raya, No. 46

RT002 RW009

Kelapa Gading, jakarta Utara 14240

To book your game, you can go visit Pandora Experience's official website here. 

Cerita Terbang Hari Ini

Hari ini gue terbang dengan kapten yang lebih rela nggak sampai destinasi lebih awal demi menghindari awan besar yang membentang sepanjang ratusan kilometer, panjang atas bawah dan kiri kanan. Dari airways yang kami lalui, kami sampai harus menghindar 90 kilometer jauhnya demi nggak menabrak awan tersebut. Itu kami hanya kena serempetan buntut awannya saja, tapi goyangannya cukup terasa. Gue sampe berhenti makanin kacang saking tegangnya pegangan sama dashboard. 

Sebenarnya kami punya beberapa pilihan lain selain menghindar, yaitu naik ke flight level yang lebih tinggi, atau mantengin airways kami dengan resiko ayan masal, baik flight crew dan tamu kami yang terhormat, selama 15 menit gara-gara pesawat kena goncang. Sayangnya, flight level lainnya sudah diambil oleh pesawat lain dan pilihan kedua, kalau beneran dilakuin, adalah pilihan yang bodoh. Alhasil, gue dan kapten setuju untuk menghindari awan saja. Jauh nggak apa-apa, yang penting nggak sport jantung.

Awan itu, meskipun dari daratan dan dari jendela pesawat kelihatannya cantik dan menggemaskan, sebenarnya berbahaya. Ada tingkatan-tingkatan bahayanya, tergantung jenis awannya seperti apa. Gue akan menjelaskan secara singkat di sini bukan dengan bahasa penerbangan supaya kalian, yang gue heran kenapa sedang baca blog post gue yang ini, bisa mengerti. Yuk, simak.

Cantik, tapi mematikan.

Awan putih yang kelihatan tebal seperti bulu domba ternyata nggak seempuk yang kalian bayangkan. Awan itu berisi muatan air yang sangat-sangat berat sampai kalau sayap pesawat gue nyerempet sedikit saja dari gumpalan uap itu, pesawat gue akan berguncang sangat dahsyat. Pada saat itu, mungkin tanda sabuk pengaman yang ada di langit-langit pesawat sudah menyala dan penggunaan kamar kecil tidak disarankan. Pada saat itu juga gue tengah mencengkram pinggiran dashboard dengan tangan kanan gue, sementara tangan kiri gue sibuk mengatur kecepatan pesawat dengan FCU (kependekan dari Flight Control Unit, yang adalah deretan tombol untuk mengatur beberapa hal dalam pesawat, termasuk kecepatannya). Keringat gue sudah pasti bercucuran dan kemungkinan besar gue menjeritkan, "TUHAN YESUS PIMPIN. TUHAN YESUS PIMPIN," dalam hati.

Di pesawat gue, ada enam buah monitor yang gue pakai dalam penerbangan, salah satunya berguna untuk memantau awan. Monitor ini dinamakan ND (Navigation Display) dan ia bekerja sama dengan weather radar yang terpasang di radome (sebutan dalam dunia aviasi untuk bagian hidung pesawat, atau bagian "moncong"). Weather radar bisa mendeteksi tingkat presipitasi air pada udara, atau bahasa yang lebih gampangnya adalah uap air, yang kemudian dipresentasikan di ND dalam corak abstrak berwarna hijau, kuning, merah, dan magenta. Yang barusan gue sebutin adalah warna untuk tingkatan uap air dari rendah ke tinggi. Semakin tinggi kandungan air, semakin bahaya pula apabila pesawat masuk ke dalamnya.

Contoh gambaran weather radar pada ND. Gambar diambil dari Google.

Selama masa pendidikan, gue selalu diajarkan untuk tidak masuk awan. Setiap ada awan, menghindar. Lihat dulu situasinya, pantau melalui jendela secara visual dan pantau juga dengan weather radar. Apabila awan itu kelihatan tipis dan tidak akan menyebabkan guncangan yang terlaly kencang, nggak apa-apa kalau mau ditrabas. Tapi, kalau di monitor sudah ada warna kuning dan merah, apalagi magenta, dan saat dilihat secara visual awannya berwarna putih mengkilap dan solid bak tembok, mending cepet-cepet menghindar sebelum berabe.

Sampai di sini nggak terlalu bingung, kan? Penjelasan mengenai awan cukup sampai di sini ya, kita kembali lagi ke cerita terbang gue hari ini.

Nah, siang tadi, dalam perjalanan gue pulang ke Surabaya dari Kuala Lumpur, ada suatu area di atas Laut Jawa yang tertutup dengan awan. Awan itu sangat-sangat besar dan panjang membentang dari kiri ke kanan. Ibarat sedang main galasin dengan awan, pesawat gue harus menghindar dari hadangan awan-awan jahat itu untuk bisa menang, dan menang di sini adalah sampai tujuan dengan selamat sentosa (mengantarkan rakyat Indonesia ke depan pintu kemerdekaan negara Indonesia, eh ini mah Pembukaan UUD 1945).

Jangan dekat-dekat, awannya "galak".

Sayangnya, ada beberapa kapten yang rela menerobos gumpalan-gumpalan awan itu demi sampai ke tujuan lebih cepat. Kalau gue dipasangkan dengan kapten bermental seperti itu, selain memberi saran untuk menghindari awan bagaimanapun caranya, gue akan tegang sepanjang perjalanan menembus awan, dengan keringat bercucuran (padahal di cockpit itu dingin, lho), kedua tangan berpegang pada dashboard, sambil menjeritkan doa dalam hati, "TUHAN YESUS PIMPIN.".

Untungnya, partner terbang gue hari ini cukup sehati dengan gue. Kami berdua sama-sama berpikiran untuk menghindari awan. Alhasil, penerbangan terakhir gue siang tadi berjalan dengan lancar. Hati tenang, perut kenyang, tidur pun tenang.

Early Morning Update

It's 9.30 in the morning in Bali. I just had breakfast with the whole family. Managed to wake up at 6.30 and jogged my way through the village. Well, I didn't cover the whole village, per se, but I ran until the next village. Much achievement, such accomplishment!

Then I got home, cut me some fruits for pre-breakfast, then shared a portion of nasi bungkus with my Mom and Dad. Washed my dirty laundries from this week, took a bath, and currently enjoying some Japanese Marlboro. Life is good. 

Exhale.

There are times when I feel idle. I don't have the motivation to do anything. I can't clear out my mind that's constantly drowned by my thoughts, which most of them are very negative. I struggle to keep my sanity untouched, nor drowned, by the branching questions that pops up on the corner of my brain that always end at "I'm not good enough". I feel isolated from happiness as my body emits this rage and hate towards everything and everyone. I feel uneasy with myself. Maybe it's a hormonal thing? I'm not quite sure. But, I hope it is. 

The only thing that has been keeping me intact is cooking and eating. I have this tendency to binge eat everything in sight, which is bad knowing that I can gain a lot of weight by just eating a handful of rice, so I decided to cook my meal. Whatever it is, just cook, as long as it doesn't contain any carbs and processed sugar. My sugar intake is from fruits alone, while my energy comes from the braised chicken breast and fried tempeh. Although poptarts are far more delicious that a plain old tempeh, I tried to eat healthy every day. 

I know this particular writing of mine is all over the place, but I need to get this word jumbles that had been lingering in my head. There are still lots of food reviews I need to write, travel diaries I need to tell, and pictures of dishes I need to show, but I can't bring myself to write well. I hope my mind will get better soon. 

Current Body State

This is an exact representation of me after spending a night at KLIA2. 

I am currently at Dunkin Donut, lounging with my cup of mineral water as I wait for my plane to arrive. I ate a lot and I noticed that I gained a few kilos despite it being only an overnight stay at Kuala Lumpur International Airport, and it clearly shows from how tight my T-shirt feels and the flabby stomach that keeps limping from the border of my jeans. I've been trying to suck them fats in, but I'm running out of breath as time goes by. What kills me more is the fact that I'm sitting at a corner at Dunkin Donut and in front of me is this display of colorful donuts begging for me to buy. 

Lord, have mercy on me. 

Missing Bali

My house in Pejeng is quite breathtaking in the morning with all its' sun light, green dewy grass, chilly atmosphere, and quiet neighborhood. I regularly start the day with a bowl of fruits, my Mom and I got from the grocery store the day before, and a cup of hot green tea.

I've been learning and practicing about food plating. I love how them vegan restaurants, or a health bar, manage to scoop diced fruits and serve them beautifully in a bowl. Not to mention, the ingredients used are very vibrant and colorful, which tingles my appetite and also my needs for aesthetic. Here was my attempt. What do you think?

After breakfast, I carried on procrastinating by watching nice vlogs from the internet and mess around with my dog. He goes by the name Sapi, which is Indonesian for cow. I know, it sounds odd. But, the name "sapi" originated from his black and white fur that is similar to a cow. I miss this rascal.

Happiness comes instantly. 

What needs effort is to stay constantly happy. 

Some days, I need to work extra hard in maintaining the slightest joy inside me.

Failure is an old friend, though. 

But, I got up, not wanting to give up. 

Because, after all this time, I finally got what I've been wanting for the past year.

Which is, to live.

To love.

To breathe.

To fly.

To be free. 

To be the master of my own mind and my own body.

And not letting anyone be the pilot of my own aircraft.

But, still, it takes a lot to stay constantly happy.

I'm working on it. 

So Wow. Much Deep.

Hello, readers.

It is almost half past two in the morning, and here I am genuinely feeling okay for the first time in these past few weeks. I just got of the phone with my boyfriend, we just finished today's studies for an upcoming job recruitment test at Garuda Indonesia. We studied for a couple of hours, which is good for our first day.

I am happy with the fact that I am finally got my head back in the game. I am being productive, despite the fact that it has only been two days, and I'm feeling good about it. My Mom bought me a set of soft pastels today and I managed to add something into my canvas. And, by canvas, I meant my bedroom wall. I'm not much of an artsy person, but to be able to draw a blue whale in the sky is definitely something big for me. And the fact that it took me less than two hours on it is totally a big deal.

I have two projects that I'm currently on, which are the Jar of Happiness and a 25 Days of Writing. Let's sort it one by one, shall we?

So, the Jar of Happiness is this year long project of taking notes of what makes you happy each day. I get to write any happiness I felt that day on a piece of paper, doodle it, make it look pretty and artsy and stuff, then put it in a jar. By the same date next year, I will probably have a jar full of positivity and happiness, and I get to read all of it and be thankful for a wonderful and happy year. I believe there will always be a lego I will stepped on but, hey, every cloud has a silver lining.

Next, is the 25 Days of Writing which I found at Pinterest. I was scrolling through the endless page of DIY Jar of Happiness when I stumbled upon this challenge. I don't see why I can't do this. Other than the fact it challenge me to be a good writer, I also get to shape my creativity. Aku ya emoh kalau harus dipenjara. Wong badannya udah dirantai, mosok ya harus dirantai juga pikirannya?

And the fact that I have been talking to my Father for these past nights truly set my heart at ease. I have left Him for too long. :)

On the one side, for those who happen to be good friends with depression, anxiety, and any other form of mental issues you might suffering at the moment, hang in there.

Different people tend to have different ways to handle their monsters. I had to isolate myself.  I had to be alone to feel sane, yet I found myself always in a constant battle of needing to be alone and feel terribly lonely. It made me feel like I was chained. I called out for help, but I had the key to set me free in my grip all this long.

Reaching out to your friends might help, because it helped me. A lot. I talked to my best friends and, even though they always got to the point of screaming, "Kinan, safe yourself from yourself!", they were very supportive.

If you have a special someone, don't be afraid to ask for his shoulder to lean on. He won't mind your tears, he won't mind your insecurities, he won't mind the fact that you are fragile and weak as fuck and all you need was his support and him saying, "Every thing is going to be okay" (in my case, "Udah, nggak apa-apa, jangan sedih lagi. Nanti kita belajar lagi, yah."), he won't degrade you as the woman you are, he won't be as unsupportive as you thought he would be. Give him a chance to be there by your side when you break.

Try do things that (used to) make you happy. I got to the point of hating eating and hating writing. Both are the things I love most and I had my moment of not having any passion to do any of them. But, I gave them a chance and, eventually, they made me happy again.

You will get through this, I promise.