So Wow. Much Deep.

Hello, readers.

It is almost half past two in the morning, and here I am genuinely feeling okay for the first time in these past few weeks. I just got of the phone with my boyfriend, we just finished today's studies for an upcoming job recruitment test at Garuda Indonesia. We studied for a couple of hours, which is good for our first day.

I am happy with the fact that I am finally got my head back in the game. I am being productive, despite the fact that it has only been two days, and I'm feeling good about it. My Mom bought me a set of soft pastels today and I managed to add something into my canvas. And, by canvas, I meant my bedroom wall. I'm not much of an artsy person, but to be able to draw a blue whale in the sky is definitely something big for me. And the fact that it took me less than two hours on it is totally a big deal.

I have two projects that I'm currently on, which are the Jar of Happiness and a 25 Days of Writing. Let's sort it one by one, shall we?

So, the Jar of Happiness is this year long project of taking notes of what makes you happy each day. I get to write any happiness I felt that day on a piece of paper, doodle it, make it look pretty and artsy and stuff, then put it in a jar. By the same date next year, I will probably have a jar full of positivity and happiness, and I get to read all of it and be thankful for a wonderful and happy year. I believe there will always be a lego I will stepped on but, hey, every cloud has a silver lining.

Next, is the 25 Days of Writing which I found at Pinterest. I was scrolling through the endless page of DIY Jar of Happiness when I stumbled upon this challenge. I don't see why I can't do this. Other than the fact it challenge me to be a good writer, I also get to shape my creativity. Aku ya emoh kalau harus dipenjara. Wong badannya udah dirantai, mosok ya harus dirantai juga pikirannya?

And the fact that I have been talking to my Father for these past nights truly set my heart at ease. I have left Him for too long. :)

On the one side, for those who happen to be good friends with depression, anxiety, and any other form of mental issues you might suffering at the moment, hang in there.

Different people tend to have different ways to handle their monsters. I had to isolate myself.  I had to be alone to feel sane, yet I found myself always in a constant battle of needing to be alone and feel terribly lonely. It made me feel like I was chained. I called out for help, but I had the key to set me free in my grip all this long.

Reaching out to your friends might help, because it helped me. A lot. I talked to my best friends and, even though they always got to the point of screaming, "Kinan, safe yourself from yourself!", they were very supportive.

If you have a special someone, don't be afraid to ask for his shoulder to lean on. He won't mind your tears, he won't mind your insecurities, he won't mind the fact that you are fragile and weak as fuck and all you need was his support and him saying, "Every thing is going to be okay" (in my case, "Udah, nggak apa-apa, jangan sedih lagi. Nanti kita belajar lagi, yah."), he won't degrade you as the woman you are, he won't be as unsupportive as you thought he would be. Give him a chance to be there by your side when you break.

Try do things that (used to) make you happy. I got to the point of hating eating and hating writing. Both are the things I love most and I had my moment of not having any passion to do any of them. But, I gave them a chance and, eventually, they made me happy again.

You will get through this, I promise. 

Jalan-jalan ke Kota

Pas kemarin di Bali, ada satu hari di mana gue dan Ibu gue jalan-jalan ke kota untuk belanja dan nonton film di bioskop. Karena rumah kami memang letaknya di desa, kanan kiri sawah semua dan kalau malam-malam gelapnya kayak lagi program Live In di pedalaman kampung, kami memang benar-benar harus ke kota kalau mau mencari hiburan. Perkebunan padi seketika berubah menjadi jalan raya yang diramaikan kendaraan berplat nomor DK. Gue pun menjadi semangat saat sampai tujuan karena udah lama nggak ngeliat papan reklame bulat berwarna hijau tua dengan tulisan Starbucks. "Bener-bener kayak orang desa main ke kota, ya," ucap Ibu gue.

Perjalanan dari Desa Pejeng ke Denpasar kurang lebih dua jam. Destinasi pertama kami adalah Mal Bali Galeria yang terletak di sisi Jalan By Pass. Dengan desain gedung yang sepertinya mengikuti gedung tradisional di Bali, Mal itu tampak beda dengan mall-mall lainnya yang pernah gue kunjungi. Hanya dua lantai, bangunannya luas dan tidak dihias dengan Air Conditioner di setiap sudutnya, dan dilengkapi dengan area berjalan yang hijau di tengah-tengahnya. Ibarat donat tapi dalam bentuk kotak dan adalah sebuah bangunan. 

Siang itu, kami mampir ke bioskop yang ada di Mal Bali Galeria dan menikmatti indahnya nonton film keluaran terbaru dalam keadaan sepi. Belum pernah, seumur hidup gue, gue nonton film dengan keadaan sesepi dan sekosong itu. Cuma ada lima orang doang dalam satu studio!  

Kami nonton Alien: Covenant. Gue penggemar berat seri film Alien karena itu adalah makanan sehari-hari gue saat gue masih berumur 4 tahun. Iya, sekecil itu gue udah nonton film garapan Ridley Scott dari yang pertama sampai yang keempat. Gue bahkan inget banget di suatu siang, saat gue masih TK dan sedang disuapin sama Ibu gue, gue lebih memilih nonton Alien ketimbang film Robin Hood karya Disney. 

Tapi film itu pun yang menyebabkan gue takut setengah mati berenang di kolam, dan di laut. Pokoknya aktivitas apapun yang mengharuskan gue untuk berinteraksi dengan air, gue ogah, dan ketakutan ini berlangsung sampai gue kelas 3 SD. Akhirnya, setelah gue dipaksa ikut kursus dan berhasil berenang dari tepi kolam ke tepi seberangnya, dalam keadaan hujan badai yang membuat air kolamnya butek nggak karuan, atas dorongan Bapak gue, gue pun berhasil menghilangkan rasa takut dikejar-kejar Xenomorph di dalam air.

Selesai nonton film, gue kepingin makan yang berkuah karena, ternyata gue baru sadar bahwa makanan berkuah adalah comfort food buat gue, gue mendapat kabar yang nggak enakin. Jadi, ketimbang seharian mecucu dan menyebarkan hawa negatif ke seluruh penjuru Denpasar, gue memutuskan untuk makan Soto Betawi di Kafe Betawi.

Ditemani kerupuk oren yang rasanya terlalu bagus kalau dibandingin dengan kerupuk oren ala tukang ketoprak gerobakan, gue melahap Soto Betawi gue yang dihias dengan remahan emping dan bawang goreng. Rasanya nggak kayak Soto Betawi sama sekali, lebih kayak sayur lodeh. Terlalu banyak santan, terlalu manis, dan nggak ada gurih-gurihnya blas. Agak mengecewakan, tapi cukup untuk menghibur hati yang lagi gundah. Ditambahin sambel pun nggak ngaruh apa-apa karena rasanya tetap kayak sayur lodeh dan bukan rasa soto.

Sebelum meninggalkan Mal Bali Galieria, untuk ketemuan dengan Tante gue di daerah Seminyak, gue sempet mampir ke gerai Starbucks yang membuka cabangnya di mal tersebut dan membeli tumbler yang gue kepingin dari kapan tau. Sayangnya, desain tumbler yang gue mau udah nggak ada, karena udah lewat musimnya, jadinya gue pilih yang paling murah aja. Tadinya gue mau bayar pakai Starbucks Card, karena bisa dikasih diskon 10% untuk tumbler-nya dan dapat minuman gratis seukuran Tall, sayangnya mesin pengoperasian kartunya sedang error. Batal dapat diskon, deh. But I got me this tall-sized Iced Shaken Lemonade, with Passion Fruit Tea and less ice, so yay!

Yang tadinya mau ketemuan di Nalu Bowls harus diganti karena, saat itu, Nalu Bowls akan tutup dalam waktu satu jam. Akhirnya kami pindah haluan dan memutuskan untuk ketemuan di Earth Cafe yang terletak di sisi Jalan Kayu Aya. 

Nggak susah kok untuk menemukan Earth Cafe ini karena terbantu dengan papan reklame warna hijau yang kemungkinannya kecil untuk kelewatan. Awalnya sempat bingung mau parkir di mana karena cafe ini mungil banget, tapi ternyata ada parkiran khusus di dalamnya yang bisa memuat mobil dalam hitungan jari dan beberapa motor.

Karena saat itu gue lagi sok-sokan mau menerapkan hidup hits dengan diet sehat, jadilah gue pesan chia pudding parfait ini yang nama aslinya gue lupa. Parfait ini terbuat dari chia seeds yang dicampur dengan almond milk hingga mengembang, yang kemudian dihias dengan potongan stroberi, potongan mangga, taburan kuaci dan goji berry, tumpahan pemanis alami yang terbuat dari kurma, sedikit yogurt, dan parutan kelapa kering. Wow, Kinan jadi vegan! Hidup vegan!

Gue nggak nyangka makanan sekecil ini ternyata semengenyangkan itu. Asli, gue kenyang banget makan beginian doang! Beberapa suap terakhir itu rasanya menyiksa, entah kenapa. Sebenarnya enak kok, meskipun kalau chia puddingnya dimakan sendiri aja akan terasa sangat hambar maka dari itu dikasih segala hiasan biar ada rasa sedikit, tapi lama-lama lidah gue bosen juga dengan makanan vegan dan organik ini. Gue sangat merekomendasikan parfait ini untuk kalian yang asli vegan dan yang sedang diet sehat.

Sementara itu, Ibu gue tengah sibuk dengan jamur goreng kriuk dan jus C4-nya yang terdiri dari wortel, timun, dan apel. Kenapa ya, rumput tetangga selalu kelihatan lebih hijau? Kayaknya enak banget Ibu gue ngunyah potongan-potongan jamur yang dibalut tepung garing nan gurih. Makannya pakai kecap asin pula, tambah enak kan jadinya!

Sudah, deh, setelah kenyang menyantap biji ngembang yang rasanya hambar itu, gue dan Ibu gue memutuskan untuk kembali ke Desa Pejeng. Sudah cukup jalan-jalannya di kota, besok-besok lagi kalau udah suntuk dengan sawah dan segala hutan belantaranya. Dan gue pun harus menyetir dalam posisi kekenyangan yang membuat gue agak mengantuk. Sip.


Kafe Betawi
Mal Bali Galeria
Jl. By Pass I Gusti Ngurah Rai

Opening Hours:
Monday - Sunday: 10AM - 10PM


Starbucks
Mal Bali Galeria
Jl. By Pass I Gusti Ngurah Rai

Opening Hours:
Monday - Sunday: 10AM - 10PM

Earth Cafe
Jl. Kayu Aya, Seminyak

Opening Hours:
Monday - Sunday: 7AM - 11PM

This morning, I woke up with content. I talked to one of my best friends last night and she was, surprisingly, very emotionally supportive regarding all the depression I have been having this past weeks. I even got a new diet method that I'm gonna try first thing tomorrow!

The fact that there is someone out there who understands you more than you do yourself and care about you is overwhelming.  It made me feel good. Finally. :)

Jejak Kaki di Jepang

I'm not going to stop writing over feelings I'm having that I can't explain. As hard as it is for me to pour words onto this cyber blank sheet of paper, I'm still going to try anyway.

On this post, I'm going to share a  bit about the last time I went to Japan. It was the two of of, my Mom and I, and we stayed at Tokyo for five days. We strolled, we took pictures, we ate (a lot), we shopped for cameras at Yodobashi, we did all the fun things all duos of Mom and daughter can do.

I didn't take pictures as I usually do because, that time, I was trying to focus on my videos. You see, this YouTube channel of mine consists of travel vlogs, one of them being my Japan adventure. If you are interested, which I believe you do, just check out some of the vlogs bellow. It's simply a series of eating, and eating, and discovering the awesomeness of Japan's public toiler, and eating again. 

Enjoy~ 

Sunday Fun Day!

I ate something delicious for brunch this morning! It's been quite challenging to find food that makes me happy nowadays. It used to be so easy back when I was all sunny, as long as its' a dessert, or ice cream related, or something new, it would always lift up my spirits. But, it hasn't been like that at all, so I was pretty excited about it. 

I am familiar with it being called Choi Pan to some people, a traditional snack from Indonesia in which is a clump of shredded yam enveloped with a very thin dough made out of rice flour. It is then bathe with an orange spicy sauce, with a hint of sweet and sour here and there, and topped with fried shallots. 

The Choi Pan vendor set up his place just across the street from my church. Among all of the snack vendors parked there this morning, I decided that I wanted to have the Choi Pan after my mid morning mass. On his motorcycle, the Choi Pan vendor placed this large aluminium container consists of the rice flour dough, the deep-fried dishes, and the bottle sauce to go with the snack. He then swiftly move his scissor across the dishes and place them on this plastic food container, garnish them well, and serve them to us, along with a plastic spoon. 

I have no idea what the deep-fried snacks official names are, but I am familiar with them being called risol, or lumpia goreng, somay, gorengan bengkoang, and aci goreng. Risol is basically your vermicelli-filled spring rolls, while somay is just the Indonesian name of your shumai, gorengan bengkoang and aci goreng are both deep-fried with one being yam and the other being rice flour. 

I had me two pieces of gorengan bengkoang, one of each from the other deep-fried snacks, and two pieces of rice flour dough, or the Choi Pan dumpling skin, and they costed only Rp21.000,00! Lord, have mercy. 

I bullshit you not, they were super tasty! If this were a parfait of Ice Cream Sundae, the orange sauce would be the chocolate fudge, while the fried shallots acted as the cherry on top. All of the deep-fried goods, even though they tasted slightly different from one another, but they were all just darn good fried stuff. And the rice flour dough, oh my, it was fantastic! Everything inside that plastic container was delicious, it made me happy I almost forgot all of the emotional burden I have been having this past weeks. 

Jajanan Asongan

Across Gereja Kristen Indonesia

Jl. Panglima Polim 1 No. 51A

Kebayoran Baru, Jakarta Selatan

Sunday fun day!